Starfucker Friday: Jock Jams, Part 3

Here’s part 3 of this week’s alarmingly long Starfucker Friday, in which your confused and bedraggled mom looks under your bed and finds spooge-stained copies of Sports Illustrated from the seventies. The seventies, your mom will note, were a weird time for Sports Illustrated (and, you know, American culture in general.) On the one hand, all the many sports leagues were consolidating, so all of a sudden the whole country cared about the same basketball and football and hockey teams. Plus it seemed people wanted to watch competitive sports on TV rather than actually participate in them, so the less visual sports (like hunting, and dog shows, and to some extent auto racing) gave way to lots and lots of basketball and hockey stars. The one exception to this was track, which was all over SI covers as people broke record after record and ran miles in less than four minutes and stuff. But the quality of the covers started sliding downhill in this decade, which is sort of disappointing, especially since athletes in the seventies all had hot sideburns and stuff.

Steve Prefontaine.  Hotter than Jared Leto.  Also, dead by 1975.  But still–hot legs.

I don’t know why, but I think this guy is wicked hot.  He’s totally average-looking, and also the photographer apparently thought it would be “edgy” and “gritty” to show Mr Plunkett “in action,” which means that his arms are blurry, and that’s basically the most notable thing about this photo.  [nb: I picked these pictures out at 2 in the morning while having coughing fits.  I don’t know if I really picked the best ones or not.]  But yeah, still. I’d do him.

37 Muhammad Ali covers and this is possibly the best.  I think I prefer the one with him standing in front of Big Ben, but, you know, there was a lot more competition for awesome covers in the sixties.  Not such a handsome fellow….

Nice thighs (and nice little shorts), nice sideburns, and nice three-way fantasies.

Well, don’t mind if I do….

There have been many SI hockey covers, but few of them do any justice to the fact that hockey players are, at least in concept, really sexy men that a) play a sport a puck, which is wicked hard and tends to break your teeth and stuff; b) beat the shit out of each other ALL THE TIME; and c) do it on skates.  Which kind of makes me want one of those Co-ed Naked Hockey shirts that were all the rage in like ‘91 that probably said “Hockey Players do it on skates.”  (Or like the Co-ed Naked Ultimate Frisbee ones that said something like “Ultimate Frisbee Players Do It On The Quad When You’re Trying To Walk To Chemistry.”  Or like the Co-ed Naked Bungee Jumping ones that said “Bungee Jumpers Do It While Falling Off A Platform, Possibly At Some Kind Of Fair Or Carnival.”  But I digress.)  Here’s one of the better ones.  Look at fuckable Mr Cute Bruin Man in the middle there.

Notice, though, that the outlined Sports Illustrated logo is a drastic and tacky step down from what came before it.

There was a pretty consistent percentage of sexy boxers on the cover of SI, including foxy Roberto Duran, who made the cover a bunch of times in the seventies and eighties.  He’s getting pounded in this picture, but I’d like to see him doing some pounding in my bedroom, if you catch my drift.  And if you don’t, really, I can’t help you, I’m sorry.  There’s nobody I want to fuck for days on end like Jean-Claude Killy in the sixties, but I’d probably vote for Duran if I had to pick one athlete from the seventies to fuck.  Y’know, if, I got in a time machine and went back to the seventies and had the urge to find an athlete to fuck.  For some reason.  Hypothetically.
Anyway.  The non-hunky covers in the seventies were less exciting than the graphically awesome ones in the sixties (with the exception of the Sapporo one below, but that’s just a copy of what they were doing in the sixties.)  Here’s some of the more interesting ones, including big glasses, big fringes, a cover that I can’t figure out no matter how much I look at it, and Kurt: