OH MY GOD ANOTHER HUGE LIST: The 101 Hottest Hits of the 90s (part 1)

Last week VH-1, the Revisionist History Network, decided to point its Magic Cultural Erasers at the prosperous nineties, presenting its (viewer-voted) list of the 100 Greatest Songs of that decade. Well, I’m a total dork for that sort of thing, and the nineties were sort of a big decade for me, being that it’s the only one I’ve lived through in its entirety thusfar. Yes, in 1990 I was a chubby little fourth-grader whose only cares in the world were what was going to be where on the American Top 40. Well that and a deranged teacher who threw heavy objects at us, made us cry and, if we came in to class with new shoes on, demanded that we let her “try them on” while we walked around in her old pumps all day. (Really!) And by the end of 1999 I had a job, a boyfriend, and a big boner for Alec Empire.

I made this list before I looked at the VH-1 one. I know that they had Smells Like Teen Spirit as #1, Liz Phair called Sex and Candy the best song of the decade, and the tubby harmonica guy from Blues Traveler lost a bunch of weight. (I thought he had died, actually, but I guess that was the bass player.)

Nerds: I compiled my list by looking at the Top 100 Billboard lists from every year of the decade, plus a whole bunch of the ARC weekly charts on rockonthenet.com Those aren’t Billboard, but they’re pretty close to the Pop Airplay Chart, plus they’re easier to look up online. Only songs that had an impact on the pop charts count for this list–that means no album tracks and nothing that wasn’t a genuine hit here in these United States of America. That means, sadly, no Common People, no Song 2, no Connection, and (surprisingly) no Oh Carolina. As for other factors–which songs I loved at the time but got tired of, which songs I hated at the time but love now, which songs were totally overshadowed by bigger but less good hits–there’s no math to that. I just went with a feeling. And since I’ve been readjusting the list (and narrowing it down from an initial 235) for about 12 hours now, I don’t want to hear about it. Just kidding, I do–I love comments!!

Also, in case you couldn’t tell, I’m on vacation right now and reeeeeeeeally bored.

101. Adina Howard, Freak Like Me (1995, #2)

A song I didn’t actually notice somehow until the Sugababes covered it. A nice piece of new-jack swing that still sounds good at a party, as long as it’s not one of those parties where somebody puts on R&B from the mid-90’s and then nobody will play anything else for the rest of the night. I hate those parties.

100. Garbage, #1 Crush (1996, #29)

I really hated Romeo & Juliet, but the soundtrack was awesome–with this song, as well as Mundy, the Cardigans, and the Wannadies. Released without a video, it’s not Garbage’s best single (that’d be Vow), but it’s the coolest one that got any pop airplay.

99. Getto Jam Domino (1994, #7)

This almost forgotten little piece of G-funk came out right when I switched back to public school after six months at a dreary church school. A boy named Alan sat in front of me in science class and used to sing this song all the time, and I thought he was gorgeous, even though in retrospect I really doubt he was, even by seventh-grade standards. But, you know, he wore his boxers like four inches above his pants. (The circa ‘93 definition of Hot!!) He was my lab partner when we had to dissect a frog and I didn’t say anything when he took out the frog’s liver and put it on this other girl’s chair. We thought she was slutty because she was what you might call an early bloomer. Kids are mean. Ahh, Domino.

98. Fatboy Slim, The Rockafeller Skank (#18, 1999)

When this song came out I seriously thought it was the best thing that had ever happened. Now, less so. If I remember right, this hit pop radio about a year after rock radio.

97. U2, Discotheque (1997, #10)

Generally I think Bono is the King of the Douchefairies, but U2 did manage to put out a few good songs in the nineties. I actually do like One, and Numb is pretty good (and has their best video.) Discotheque didn’t do so well commercially, which is too bad, because U2 are way better when they’re not being self-righteous twats. And, you know, dressing like the Village People in a giant disco ball is cool, too.
96. Pearl Jam, Better Man* (1995, #13)

Pearl Jam isn’t my cup of tea as a whole, but I actually do like Eddie Vedder’s voice, which is why I prefer their poppier songs over the angsty guitar ones. (Excepting Last Kiss, of course. Boy was that song a nightmare.) I always want to sing this at karaoke but am always afraid to because usually people I hate do Pearl Jam songs at karaoke.

(*fanmade video, because PJ were too cool for MTV.)

95. Roxette, It Must Have Been Love (1990, #1)

I used to LOVE Roxette. My favorites were Dressed For Success and the later Fading Like A Flower, but this one’s sort of a slow burner. Whenever the woman that works at the desk next to me has her lite-rock internet radio on and this song comes on, I get really happy. Along with Go West’s wimpily awesome King of Wishful Thinking, it’s one a few great songs on the mostly dreadful Pretty Woman soundtrack.

94. Republica, Ready To Go (#31, 1997)

People compared them to Garbage because they were English, a little bit electronic, and had a feisty lady singer, but Republica’s Saffrom was more like Shirley Manson’s cheerful cousin that smiled and baked you cookies and didn’t lurk in the basement making out with ruffians. Also, Wikipedia just told me that the original version of the song didn’t have any guitars in it. Weird. Neat video, too.

93. Sheryl Crow, A Change (1997, #16)

Speaking of videos I used to love, remember when Sheryl Crow all of a sudden went kooky and had a Michel Gondry video co-starring Ellen DeGeneres and Molly Shannon? One of Gondry’s earlier efforts, the video for A Change Would Do You Good (as the single was called) matched the cheery but mildly insane lyrics and chipper melody perfectly. Plus, I love it when anybody uses the expression “on the rag.”

92. Diana King, Shy Guy (1994, #13)

From the soundtrack to the original Bad Boys movie, Shy Guy was a great early example of hip-hop trying to fuse R&B with reggae. This sunny number about how she’s looking for a man that’s too shy to notice anybody else remains pretty cool.

91. Morrissey, The More You Ignore Me The Closer I Get (1994, #21)

This song, Le Moz’s only top 40 entry in the US, kind of genuinely shocked me when it came on the radio. 92 Pro FM used to play lots of Stevie B and Bon Jovi, not strange creepy stalker men that sounded a little bit gay. It’s kind of a really sexy song, now that I’m listening to it again. I’d put it on next week’s mixtape, but I wouldn’t want your clients to get any bad ideas….

90. Gina G, Ooh Aah…Just A Little Bit (1996, #12)

Gina G’s Ooh Aah sounded like an awful lot of other dance-pop, but for some reason stood out above the others. I’m really not sure why, but even after hearing it regularly in gloomy gay bars for the last six or seven years I still really like it. It’s one of the only Eurovision song entries ever to make a chart impact in the US–check out the dancers. The unbelievably through Eurocovers blog has a nice entry about it, too.

89. George Michael, Too Funky (1992, #10)

George Michael might start off his last great hit single with Mrs Robinson denying that he’s trying to seduce you, but he’s full of shit. No longer the Faith-era eye candy the world wanted, Michael retreated from his own song, including clips of female voices and presenting himself in the video as a scruffy enigmatic voyeur in the world of high fashion, which was just starting to be all the rage. But, by the way, he wants to fuck you.

88. Merril Bainbridge, Mouth (1996, #4)

I still remember the first time I heard Mouth, the textbook example of a great summer pop song. Off a really cute album that even included a folky Pet Shop Boys cover, the Australian is one of the one-hit wonders of the 90’s that probably could have had a longer career (along with Jennifer Paige, who was like Mariah Carey but not terrible) Interest fact I just learned, though: although the song was huge in the US, the album never even broke the Top 100.

87. 5ive, When The Lights Go Out (1998, #10)

The first great boy band song wasn’t by *Nsync or the Backstreet Boys. It came from 5ive, the English group that only ever had one hit in this country. Remarkably unattractive and older-looking than their American counterparts, they took the Backstreet formula and one-upped it, making their song dirtier and adding a cheesy rap in the middle. (Although not the same cheesy rap–or video–as in the British version. Thanks, Wikipedia!)

86. Sarah McLachlan, Angel (1999, #4)

One of the later singles from McLachlan’s disappointing yet very successful Surfacing album (because Oh My Goddess did I think she was the most awesome thing that ever happened for most of the mid-nineties), Angel’s the one that really endured. And while you might want to smash your head into a wall after dwelling too long on how sappy it is, her piano arrangement’s actually really nice. In 2002 I was working in a crappy store that played adult contemporary radio, and this song, which was played religiously once every night between 7 and 10 on a show called Nite Lite with Art Spencer, in some cheesy way sort of saved me from going totally nuts.

85. Onyx, Slam (1993, #4)

Onyx, the anti-Sarah McLachlan, seemed really badass when this song came out. Now it’s catchy and a little silly, but to a twelve-year old in Catholic school this seemed really hardcore. All the hot delinquents at the back of the bus really liked this song, so I did too. (Hang on while I realize that I was almost one of the cool delinquents for half of seventh grade. I don’t think I realized that at the time. Now hang on while I google the delinquents whose names I can remember. Ooh, I think this intensely boring fake barber might be one of them!)

84. Giggles, What Goes Around Comes Around (1992, #24)

Giggles, who totally loves photo album Myspace layouts, had a big freestyle hit with Love Letter in 1986, and then came back six years later with one of the last great old-school dance songs*. I’m a sucker for a good freestyle jam, and while 92 Pro FM in ‘92 was totally oversaturated with largely interchangeable songs like this, the production on this one makes it slightly less dated than a lot of its contemporaries. That, and I only rediscovered it yesterday somehow, so I’ve still got a little bit of the “OMG that song” coursing through my veins. (Semi-relatedly, check out this wonderful essay if you’re into freestyle.)

(*The last one, I think, was Collage’s I’ll Be Loving You, which was #104 on this list.)

83. The Cardigans, Lovefool (1997, #1)

The Cardigans were the first band I ever saw live, at a free concert put on by the local modern rock station back when modern rock was a title broad enough to include women. It was in a really packed club at 5 in the afternoon and I thought it was awesome. A couple of months later, the Cardigans were also the second band I ever saw live, because my parents finally let me go out at night and also the Cardigans’ albums had really complicated releases in the US. If I remember right, their first album in the US was actually a mix of their first two albums in Europe, and came out just a couple of months before their third (or second) album. The label also redid the original Lovefool video to make it a lot flashier for US audiences. Much better than most people probably remember, Lovefool was overplayed to the point where it overwhelmed any chance they had of future US chart success*, which is too bad because the follow-ups (especially My Favourite Game and their suprisingly wonderful 2003 foray into country-pop) were actually better.

(*I’m going from memory here, but I also want to say the single was never issued in the US and it charted as high as it did based entirely on airplay, and I think it was the first song to ever do that.)

82. The Proclaimers, I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) (1993, #3)

Speaking of odd release dates and great bands with only one US hit, we’re now up to The Proclaimers, whose 1988 Sunshine on Leith record is awesome (especially the title track.) Few Americans know that, though, since they’re only known for this song from Benny & Joon and, oddly, the Shrek movies. I remember my mom loving this, and I do too, even though it does still remind me uncomfortably of stupid Johnny Depp in a dumb hat ironing grilled cheese sandwiches.

81.Smash Mouth, Walkin’ on the Sun (#3, 1997)

It’s funny that some ugly Southern California dudes in cargo shorts made some of the coolest, music-nerdiest rock his of the nineties. Ten years on, I’m still not sure what the hell this song is supposed to be about, but I do know that Smash Mouth knew their way around a catchy retro organ line. Knowingly trashy and not particularly ironic about it, Smash Mouth actually had a number of really great singles, almost all of which were swallowed up in the public memory by the massive shitstorm that was 1999’s All Star.