Brit Awards Tomorrow

The Brit Awards aren’t exactly the most prestigious things around, but I used to watch them faithfully, about six months after they happened, when ABC would broadcast them late at night on (I think) the Fourth of July Weekend. The 1996 awards were particularly big for me, since I’ve used clips from the Spice Girls and Manic Street Preachers performances in a couple of videos I’ve made over the years.

Anyway, here’s this year’s nominees, with my thoughts on each one and photos of who I think ought to win (to give me something fun to look at while I decide)

British male solo artist
Jamie T
Mark Ronson
Mika
Newton Faulkner
Richard Hawley

I almost like Jamie T but something about his songs makes me never want to listen to them ever. I played Mark Ronson’s Version album quite a bit over 2007 and didn’t get tired of it. Mika’s a turd with a side of twat dressing. I don’t know who Newton Faulkner is. [pause while I look him up online] Oh my God how dreadful. I like the Richard Hawley album quite a bit too, but I’m going to say that Ronson deserves to win this one.

British female solo artist
Bat For Lashes
Kate Nash
KT Tunstall
Leona Lewis
PJ Harvey

Bat For Lashes put out a good Sinead O’Connor-esque album with one super-duper-amazing song on it. Kate Nash annoys me. KT Tunstall annoys me too. I’ve never actually heard Leona Lewis. [To the Youtube-mobile!] Oh, she’s not actually that bad. Definitely no PJ Harvey, though. Still, I think this was a bigger year for Bat For Lashes.

British group
Arctic Monkeys
Editors
Girls Aloud
Kaiser Chiefs
Take That

Arctic Monkeys have always been good–or, you know, been good for two years or so–but they don’t deserve any Best Group awards. I got the Editors CD months and months ago and still haven’t felt compelled to listen to it. Girls Aloud did the theme to St Trinian’s, which I and exactly zero other Americans got really excited about. The Kaiser Chiefs album was half-decent, half-dullsville. Take That don’t need to be back. It’s a weak category, so I’m going to have to pick Girls Aloud in this one.

British album
Arctic Monkeys - Favourite Worst Nightmare
Leona Lewis - Spirit
Mark Ronson - Version
Mika - Life In Cartoon Motion
Take That - Beautiful World

The only one of these I actually heard in its entirety is the Ronson one, but it was one of the albums I played most all year, so I say he should win. Especially because I doubt any of the others are actually any good.

British breakthrough act
Bat For Lashes
Kate Nash
Klaxons
Leona Lewis
Mika

Bat For Lashes had the best video of the year, and her album was more than a one-trick pony, even if it does periodically steer a little too close toward the land of wizards and fairies. Kate Nash annoys me. Klaxons are pretty good but don’t really wow me. I’ve had Leona Lewis’s Myspace player on for about five minutes now and I’m kind of bored by her Mariah Carey inclinations. Mika’s a douche on a sesame seed bun. Bat For Lashes it is!

British live act
Arctic Monkeys
Kaiser Chiefs
Klaxons
Muse
Take That

I’ve never seen any of these people live, so I can’t say, I guess. That, and the Best British Act I saw live last year was probably Bert Jansch. Or MIA, who didn’t get nominated for anything, for some reason.

British single
Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love
Mika - Grace Kelly
Take That - Shine
Mark Ronson Ft Amy Winehouse - Valerie
The Hoosiers - Worried About Ray

This Hoosiers song is actually good, although hardly the best British single of the year. Leona Lewis is kinda humdrum, I’ve decided.  I don’t think I like her after all. Mika is lamer than a gimp wearing a fannypack and manpris. The Mark Ronson song is good, but I much prefer the single off the album with Lily Allen. So, I guess I’m going to vote for the Hoosiers here.

International male solo artist
Bruce Springsteen
Kanye West
Michael Buble
Rufus Wainwright
Timbaland

Springsteen’s always good. Kanye’s always awful. Michael Buble’s always awful but not as awful as Kanye. Rufus is generally good but not so much in Y2K7. Timbaland’s fine. In fact, I’m going to vote for Timbaland here, even though as an artist (and not a producer) Springsteen should probably get the award. But, you know, he’s sort of losing relevance these days.

International female solo artist
Alicia Keys
Bjork
Feist
Kylie Minogue
Rihanna

No One, Earth Intruders, 2 Hearts, and Umbrella all made the top half of my favorite songs of the year list, but Rihanna’s really the only one that I needed more than one single by. Also, as much as I liked the last Broken Social Scene record, I got tired of Feist as soon as everyone I know put that silly Mushaboom song on their Myspace profiles three years ago. Rihanna it is!

International group
Arcade Fire
Eagles
Foo Fighters
Kings of Leon
White Stripes

The Arcade Fire. No question. And I don’t even particularly like them.

International album
Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
Eagles - Long Road Out Of Eden
Foo Fighters - Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace
Kings of Leon - Because Of The Times
Kylie Minogue - X

I haven’t actually heard any of these, except for the Arcade Fire one for the week or so last month when my roommate was suddenly really into them. But I bet I’m not missing much with the Eagles and Foo Fighters records.

Critics’ Choice Award: Adele

Really? Really?

Outstanding contribution to music: Sir Paul McCartney

Outstanding contribution to music up until about forty years ago, when his contribution to music suddenly got very very terrible, is what they should change the name of this category to.